My Soul

Friend of Mine

2009-12-30T05:44:45Z

I don't want us to have a fight,
But in the background I can hear you chatting shit,
I hear it every night.
And you think you're being really cool,
You've been doing it since we were both at school,
Now who looks like a fool.

You're no friend of mine girl
And I've known it for a while girl,
You're just a waste of time girl
Why don't you have another line girl.

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck.

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck.

What happened to the good old days?
I was kinda hoping this was all a stupid phase
Who are you anyway?
I know you've heard this all before
I know some people who are calling you a whore
Don't know you anymore

You're no friend of mine girl
And I've known it for a while girl,
You're just a waste of time girl
Why don't you have another line girl.

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck.

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck.

A Quiz for a New Year

2009-12-22T19:07:57Z

Year End Survey (stolen from Lemmie)

1) Was 2009 a good year for you?
It was. My life has changed so much. But It's been good.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
RJ making everything official.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
All the crazy drama and fights. Leaving

4) Where were you when 2009 began?
Providence! As always!

5) Who were you with?
I actually WASN'T with Liz, I think that made this year 2, but I had an awesome party with Kayla, Jessica, Jay, RJ (who I wish things had been different with) we stopped by Caitlyn's for a while too.

6) Where will you be when 2009 ends?
I'm not sure! Prollllly Providence

7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
RJ, and that's all I really care about.

8) What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I flew in a plane all by myslef

9) Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make them >insert argument here<

10) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

11) Did anyone close to you die?
Tairi

12) Did you travel outside of the US in 2009?
No

13) How many different states did you travel to in 2009?
Alot. MA, RI, CT, NY, NJ, VA, FL, KY, IL, MO, KS, NC, SC, GE, WV, DE, MD, OH, IN, PA

14) What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Stability

15) What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb with RJ, All thr roadtrips. I can never forget.

16) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Living without my mom

17) What was your biggest failure?
not living with Nik

18) Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Not really.

19) What was the best thing you bought?
Ummm Yazmin?

21) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Doris, RJ, Dennis I've been very good this year!

22) Where did most of your money go?
food, gas, my car

23) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being with my man, everyday. WoW

24) What song will always remind you of 2009?
Emilie Autumn, and ohh. . . ANYTHING by Lady Gaga(overdid it on the roadtrips)

25) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? a little of both, depends on the day, this time last year I was confused.
ii. thinner or fatter? I would love to say thinner, but I doubt it's true
iii. richer or poorer? way poorer

26) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Work

27) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Ummmm, fighting

28) How will you be spending Christmas?
With my boyfriend's family? With friends? I'm not really sure yet.

29) Did you fall in love in 2009?
I had already been there, but I got to act on it.

30) If yes, with who?
My wonderful boyfriend *

31) If yes, do they know?
I think so, it's one of those beyond words things.

32) Are you still in love with them?
Absolutely. I have been for a long time

33a) You regret it?
Why is this 33a? No. I don't.

33b) Do they love you back?
I think so

34) Did you breakup with anyone in 2009?
nope

35) How many one-night stands?
None.

37) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, actually.

38) Did you make any new friends in 2009?
Yes I did. I would say Sammie.

39) Who are your favorite new friends?
I'm not listing them

40) What was your favorite month of 2007?
FEB

41) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Always

42) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Nope, I don't really get ashamed, or embarrassed, and this I was particularly good this year. I have a boyfriend I adore and everything is great.

43) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?
I'm not sure! I haven't had to deal with that lately!

44) Did you treat somebody badly in 2009?
I might have. But I don't think I meant to

45) Did somebody treat you badly in 2009?
I wish someone could have had a little more faith in me, but no I wouldn't say badly at all.

46) What was your proudest moment of 2009?
Looking at my kid.

47) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
I dunno, I don't really have them

48) What was your greatest musical discovery?
EA

49) What did you want and get?
Just about everything

50) What did you want and not get?
A peircing, and a DSi, but . . . Christmas is coming! LOL

51) What was your favorite new film of this year?
Hrrrrm. . . . I liked alot of them - I liked hangover.

52) What was your favorite TV program?
Metalocolyse

53) What was your favorite record from 2009?
Made in 2009? Lady Gaga

54) How many concerts did you see in 2009?
2 or 3? They were all great though

55) Did you have a favorite concert in 2009?
I think I liked the ummm wth was it? Like a metalfest, hosted by jager.

56) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
Meh. . . not really. Maybe more than other years though.

57) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?
When my mom had Nik in IL, I had some fun, but it's been over since the summer ended.

58) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 22 and didn't really do anything, but my BF got my the whole guitar-hero band set! That was awesome.

59) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Mom not moving? But I'm glad she did. i dunno. Rj being less insecure.

60) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Same as always, but starting to get back to my roots

61) What/who kept you sane?
My computer, >RJ< , My BFFs

62) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
>.> EA prolly.

63) How much money did you spend in 2009?
Not too much. Never really had much.

64) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Real life sucks. Live with your mom, and get through school

65) What are your plans for 2009?
Make sure my baby is living good.

66) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

A friend of mine found this. . . couldn't resist

2009-11-20T09:24:49Z

There are so many analogies. . I can't even begin. I was going to pull some apart, but well. . I'll let it do it's own talking. It just. . doesn't even being to make sense.

oh, and if you like your men to sparkle? . . . this is for you

[Unknown LJ tag]

and if you can make it though that . . .

and for fun someone who put it together for us ^.^

*picture found from a google search while I was trying to find the title of the book*
http://open.salon.com/blog/verbal_remedy/2009/03/12/purple_prose_the_spikenard-bronwyn_challenge
Which by the way is SILK AND STEEL, by RON MILLER

NaNoWriMo

2009-11-16T01:45:56Z

I need somewhere to throw all my links for my project. ^.^

So here it is, after I'm done-ish, and a litte more edited I'm going to throw my novel here a chapter at a time too.

>.< BTW. . . Historical fiction about Bathory. . I know I know. . .

General Links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_B%C3%A1thory
http://bathory.org/shyla.html
http://www.abacom.com/~jkrause/bathory.html
http://www.weird-encyclopedia.com/Bathory-Elizabeth.php
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A593084
http://www.whataslacker.com/backdoor/elizabeth_bathory/
http://www.nndb.com/people/263/000112924/
http://vampires.monstrous.com/erzsebet_bathory.htm
http://www.istrianet.org/istria/legends/vampires/bathory.htm
http://www.scribd.com/doc/2579356/Elizabeth-Bathory
http://royalwomen.tripod.com/id40.html

Places
http://www.sarvar.hu/index.php?base=sights&type=item&id=29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byt%C4%8Da
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%8Cachtice_Castle
http://www.slovakheritage.org/Castles/cachtice.htm

Clothing
http://joechip.net/liana/archives/cat_paperdolls.html
http://joechip.net/liana/
http://images.google.com/images?q=16th+century+clothing&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=FYD_SqzKHIv8nAeI3fUQ&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBcQsAQwAA
http://www.lepg.org/women.htm
http://www.costumes.org/classes/fashiondress/16thCent.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1550%E2%80%931600_in_fashion

Other
http://www.brown.edu/Departments/Italian_Studies/dweb/society/sex/heat-coldness.shtml
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:RWS_Tarot_02_High_Priestess.jpg

Some things have come to my attention

2009-09-03T22:03:12Z

1) That I intensely miss writing, and this whole journal! ::SMACK:: What has happened to my poor, dear, poetic soul?

which brings me in turn to point

2) No update in 7 months??? I thought to myself. . "what have I been doing for the past 7 months??" LMAO >.< Of course. I have been with RJ,(for exactly 7 months) Not a bad thing, but there has been alot going on at the same time.

3) I feel ready to fuel myself on all that has been going on, and get back to business.

4) There is no way (in hell) that I have posted everything I have written. SO I'm off to find more notebooks and post some more of my past

Sometimes - From time to time

2009-08-29T03:16:36Z

(sometimes) From time to time
it takes a sheet of paper,
for anyone to know what's on my mind
in any form besides a whisper.

I've never been very good with words,
and I feel so vulnerable when I cry. . .
But when everything is spiraling downwards,
I'd do anything not to say goodbye.

I've found myself more in love
with you than I care to admit.
Making myself miserable is something I'm not above,
but being with you has made me want to quit.

When I think about me and you,
it's like it's meant to be.
But it seems to me that you don't have a clue,
and I'm not sure how to make you see clearly.

There is no place that could be better.
There is no-one I want more.
I smile while while thinking, and writing every letter,
your something I can't ignore.

I know you've been hurt before,
everyone has their own story.
I'm sorry if I've made you a bit unsure,
but please stop judging me so brashly.

~And the note. . . because you know there always is one. . .~
(I've never done anything to hurt you - I can't promise I won't in the future, but I can promise that I won't lie to you about it)

This Thing

2009-01-08T01:49:34Z

This thing I've always wanted,
this thing I've always had,
this thing I've always hidden -
because they considered it bad.

Laid perfectly between us,
I put this thing to rest,
until one day you found it,
and put me to the test.

How could I deny it
when I'd held on for so long?
How could I deny it
when I wanted it all along?

This thing I've always wanted,
this thing I've always had,
this thing I've always hidden -
because they considered it bad.

As time continued on
I learned some truth.
This thing is a part of me,
not just a 'phase' of youth.

And still I held onto this thing
too afraid to let you in.
Too afraid of what they'd say,
but in the end I let it win.

This thing I've always wanted,
this thing I've always had,
this thing I've always hidden -
because they considered it bad.

This thing I've held,
it's made for two.
This thing, I found -
it's my love for you.

So hold my hand
and we'll face it all.
We'll fight every obstacle,
and we'll never fall.

Your this thing I've always wanted,
this attraction I've always had,
this love no longer hidden -
is anything but bad.

Opheliac

2008-12-16T14:45:20Z

I’m your Opheliac
I’ve been so disillusioned
I know you’d take me back
But still I feign confusion
I couldn’t be your friend
My world was to unstable
You might have seen the end
But you were never able
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away

You know the games I play and the words I say when I want my own way
You know the lies I tell when you’ve gone through hell and I say I can’t stay
You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me
When everything and everyone becomes my enemy
And when there’s nothing more you can do I’m gona blame it on you
It’s not the way I wana be
I only know that in the end you will see it’s the Opheliac in me…

It’s the Opheliac in me…

Im your Opheliac
My stalkings prove my virtue
I’m open to attack
But I don’t want to hurt you (hurt you)
Whether I swim or sink
That’s no concern of yours now
How could you possibly think
You had the power to know how to keep me breathing as the water rises up again
Before I slip away

You know the games I play and the words I say when I want my own way
You know the lies I tell when you’ve gone through hell and I say I can’t stay
You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me
When everything and everyone becomes my enemy
And when there’s nothing more you can do I’m gona blame it on you
It’s not the way I wana be
I only hope that in the end you will see it’s the Opheliac in me…
It’s the Opheliac in me

Studies show intelligent girls are more depressed
Because they know
That the world can lie
I don’t think for a bit they sit around and think every things gona be alright
They know who: sides, shadows; shapes, a devil, an angel; no in-between
She speaks in third person so that she can forget that she’s me
Doubt thou the stars on fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt

Doubt thou the stars on fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt

Doubt thou the stars on fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt
I love

You know the games I play and the words I say when I want my own way
You know the lies I tell when you’ve gone through hell and I say I cant stay

You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me
When everything and everyone becomes my enemy
And when there’s nothing more you can do I’m gona blame it on you
It’s not the way I wana be
I only hope that in the end you will see
But never doubt
You know the games I play and the words I say when I want my own way
You know the lies I tell when you’ve gone through hell and I say I can’t stay
You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me
When everything and everyone becomes my enemy
And when there’s nothing more you can do I’m gona blame it on you
It’s not the way I wana be
I only hope that in the end you will see

YEAY!

2008-07-10T13:19:19Z

update to all my journals!!

Kiss a Girl

2008-06-16T17:26:05Z

"Kiss A Girl"

(Come on, a-ha, a-ha)

I talk, you say I'm talking back
It escalades to full attack
I'm going, you're coming
Your brain's on pause
But your mouth keeps running

Don't know what planet you are from
What macho ego trip you on
I'm giving, you're taking
You think I'm there, but I'm really just faking

Oh, you're so the same cliche
And it makes me wanna run the other way

Maybe I should kiss a girl
Maybe I should change my world
You already know you make me sick
And this could be the cure
Girls know how to make it fun
And you know how to mess it up
Maybe you should learn to watch your tongue
'Cause boy I've had enough
Maybe I should kiss a girl

I'm trading your old dirty shirt
For high heels and a mini skirt
You're over, I'm under
I'll spell it out it's making me wonder

Why am I still with you
When I know that it'll never work
Why don't I just hit you
When you act like just some stupid jerk
You know that I love you
But you get on my last every nerve
Oh man I guess you'll never understand

Oh, you're so the same cliche
And it makes me wanna run the other way

Maybe I should kiss a girl
Maybe I should change my world
You already know you make me sick
And this could be the cure
Girls know how to make it fun
And you know how to mess it up
Maybe you should learn to watch your tongue
'Cause boy I've had enough
Maybe I should kiss a girl

I tried to tune you in and not to turn you on
If you don't try to make a change, I'll be good as gone
(Maybe I should kiss a girl, whoah, whoah)

Maybe I should kiss a girl
Maybe I should change my world
You already know you make me sick
And this could be the cure
Girls know how to make it fun
And you know how to mess it up
Maybe you should learn to watch your tongue
'Cause boy I've had enough
Maybe I should kiss a girl

I think this is to the tune of Little Mermaid's Kiss the Girl. . .lmao

Writer's Block: Here's the Skinny...

2008-05-06T14:55:32Z

Have you ever been skinny dipping?

View 501 Answers

yes, and as wierd as it is. . . usually with Mark and Vinnie, I don't think Mark ever really joined us, but he was there. Once I came overly prepared, but then gave my swimsuit up for kayla. LOL. I don't care, not that I hadn't been naked there before. I figured I would try to save Kayla the horror of getting police questioned with no clothes on.

OMG!!! and then that crazy guy was on the beach, and I was like MArk, (GET RID OF HIM) Do you realize I'm naked?!?! It was all good though

Writer's Block: I Left My Heart in...

2008-05-06T14:52:00Z

What do you love about where you live?

View 501 Answers

I love that it is just about the ONLY place that I've been able to call home. Everything got out of it's boxes. And I loved there for more than 3 months. It was a realyl nice change. It was nice to have something even a little stable in the crazy thing I call my life.

My mom feels that I overexaggerate, but the truth really is that I lived at like 7 addresses within 2 years. Broad St has been the only stabilty that I've had since the village. And it seems liek that is over too. We are supposed to be moving very soon. It really saddens me. I think I get even more sad about it because I just realized why I loved it so much recently. When Dennis and I broke up I had the hardest time leavign the house, and it wan't him. It was just the house. When I was upset I wanted to be wrapped in those bedroom walls, and when I cooked I wanted the crazy stove. Just everything. It was so hard to move away, and I think it has alot to do with why I came back. When it came down to Dennis losing the apartment, or my mom. . . I couldn't deal with never being able to be in there again, after leaving so suddenly. I've had so many memories there. I had alot of plans for the house, and many never went anywhere, but I love it anyway.

Writer's Block: My Secret Identity

2008-05-06T14:46:00Z

Describe your different personas.

View 500 Answers

This is going to be an ongoing thing, so let me start now.

1. My child . loves to be taken care of, babied, running around. Jumping. Loves the woods, and tents, adventurous.
2 My Mom . This is simple. I had a kid. There is a WHOLE different personality with him.

Writer's Block: Lost & Found

2008-05-06T14:43:26Z

What have you lost that you wish you still had?

View 500 Answers

As sad as it is, mostly people.

Either that or I wish I had lost more. Like the whole innocence, all the childlike qualities that I still have, that other people seem to lose. It makes me really sad sometimes. I know I am never going to fit in. I can't just sleep around, get drunk, and not care. And as stupid as it sounds, I hate it sometimes.

Writer's Block: Lightbulb Goes Off

2008-05-06T14:41:06Z

What was the last great epiphany you had?

View 500 Answers

Are you kidding? I have really great epiphanies ALL the time. Problem? I never write them down!! They are usually while I'm driving, or before i go to bed at night, so I'm always too lazy to write them down... I just fall asleep, and when I wake up they are gone. Same thing with poetry. I think of crazy awesome things before bed. I keep a digital recorder now, so I get some of it, but it sucks. straight up. I hate being lazy sometimes. lol

Writer's Block: Family Matters

2008-04-24T14:37:12Z

What is your "role" in your family?

View 501 Answers

My 'role' is pretty much that of the child. Whether at home, or with friends, I find myself considered the 'youngest' even when I'm not. I get babied and taken care of, and I really. . . it bothers me. I mean sometimes it's great. Like now. I get to go to school, everyone is kinda taking care of me. But sometimes, I feel like I just want to be just me, just supporting myself, and flying. It also stresses me, because part of the 'babying' occurs when people think I can't handle things. So they either just won't tell me, or lie to me abotu it. And THAT is a HUGE pet peeve. I will cry, I will get upset, but I can't help it. I promise I will get over it. You lie and keept it from me, and I end up findign out anyway. Then I get upset over it, you keeping it form me, and everything in between. It just gets blown out of proportion, and it stresses me. I can handle it. I'm an adult. If you really don't want to make me cry, don't do anything that you will have to tell me about.

Writer's Block: Saturday Night

2008-04-24T14:31:30Z

How are your Saturday nights different now than they were five years ago?

View 500 Answers

Well, as sad as it is, about 5 years ago I used to go out EVERY saturday, either clubbing or just hanging out. Nowadays, I do NOTHING. I wish. It's all changing though. Don't even worry about it. Dennis is out, and officially leaving in August, so by the time he comes back, whatever. Don't even wanna think about it. W00t w00t. ::does a happy dance::

Writer's Block: The Perfect Crime

2008-04-24T14:29:24Z

What was the last thing you "got away with?"

View 500 Answers

I 'get away' with everything. LOL. I'm AMAZING

Writer's Block: Sharing is Caring

2008-04-24T14:18:32Z

What do you most hate sharing with other people?

View 500 Answers

In all honesty, I hate sharing anything! I am a total and complete miser. I think it's from being broke my whole life. I get little of what I like, and I hate sharing it. I mean don't get me wrong there are a handful of people I would just give things up too, but I don't think the people realize exactly how much I care. Lol. I'm so terrible.

But to answer the question I REALLY hate sharing anything that is 'exclusively' mine. Like Sally. I dunno, it's justy so personal, and I hate trusting people, just in case ANYTHING happens.

Writer's Block: A Little Recognition, Please?

2008-04-24T14:14:59Z

What talent do you have that you wish more people would recognize?

View 500 Answers

i THINk that it would be my writing. I wish I had the balls to post half the stuff I write all the time. I wish I had the balls to say I want to be a writer, but it'll never happen.

I write a stupid amount of essays, journals, memos, critiques, poems, short stories. Just anything that will give me an excuse to write. I'm addicted. . Just keeping it in the closet I guess.

Writer's Block: What? Everyone Doesn't Like Me?

2008-04-24T14:11:23Z

Why do you think it is some people don't get along with you?

View 501 Answers

I know I can be hard to get along with sometimes because I'm so opinionated. It seems to get in the way alot, but at the same time, I don't ever feel the urge to repress it. It gets me in alot of trouble sometimes. I think this is one of those hard questions to answer, it's hard to pick yourself apart and expose all your flaws. I'm sure everyone would like to think that they are a slice of heaven, and anyone that doesn't like them is that person's own fault. But the truth remains that everyone has flaws.

- I'm late. Alot. I don't mean to be and I'm terribly sorry afterwards.
- I'm forgetful, and this leads to me blowing people off.
- I have a huge superiority complex. There are few people that I consider even worth talking to, and that's not such a good thing.
- I get jealous easy, and I'm super emotional. I try to control it the best I can, but I cry over anything.

I know there are a million more, but I know those stand out the most.

Quote

2008-03-20T15:58:17Z

I didn’t hear what you were saying
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions, never maybe
And I’m not kind if you betray me
So who the hell are you to save me?
I never would’ve made it baby

No Appologizies

2008-03-20T15:44:12Z

Seriously.. I write for me. Not to piss anyone off, not to start shit. Just for me. It's not written from anyone's perpective but mine. Get over it. If you don't like it. Don't read it. Period.

I fell in love with a girl

2008-03-20T15:26:48Z

Fell in love with a girl
fell in love once and almost completely
she's in love with the world
but sometimes these feelings
can be so misleading
she turns and says "are you alright?"
I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating"
She says "come and kiss me by the riverside, bobby says it's fine he don't consider it cheating"

Red hair with a curl
mellow roll for the flavor
and the eyes for peeping
can't keep away from the girl
these two sides of my brain
need to have a meeting
can't think of anything to do
my left brain knows that
all love is fleeting
she's just looking for something new
and I said it once before
but it bears repeating

Disney

2008-03-18T15:48:30Z

Laughter is timless,
imagination is ageless,
dreams are forever.

My Soul

Friend of Mine

A Quiz for a New Year

A friend of mine found this. . . couldn't resist

NaNoWriMo

Some things have come to my attention

Sometimes - From time to time

This Thing

Opheliac

YEAY!

Kiss a Girl

Writer's Block: Here's the Skinny...

Writer's Block: I Left My Heart in...

Writer's Block: My Secret Identity

Writer's Block: Lost & Found

Writer's Block: *Lightbulb Goes Off*

Writer's Block: Family Matters

Writer's Block: Saturday Night

Writer's Block: The Perfect Crime

Writer's Block: Sharing is Caring

Writer's Block: A Little Recognition, Please?

Writer's Block: What? Everyone Doesn't Like Me?

Quote

No Appologizies

I fell in love with a girl

Disney

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